It’s been a while… but with moving to the country (for I am now only a mindlessly rambling Londoner solely three to five days a week), concentrating on a new, more structured fitness regime, curbing the social media presence (coming off of it, aside from post promotion – hey, y’all that clicked from Insta!) and the lack of a good story, has meant that I’ve not had much to say… that is, until now.
We are all different. With differing personality traits, attitudes and approaches to life, we appear to some as appealing and to others a complete turn off. So when a person told me, that they could never marry me, it made me think, think quite long and hard about the traits associated with me.
So the man who said this to me, wasn’t someone I was dating. Actually, it was a more mature man at the gym. So with the ‘new year, new me, new training plan’ – part of which includes trap bar deadlifts – the man in question decided to offer his opinion. I had racked up the bar with weights (100kg in total – which was the turn off) and with five reps to tempo complete, he came over, made me pull out my headphones from my ears, and say ‘I’d never marry you. I mean, you look great, but I’d never marry you’. Now I laughed, for it’s not something I had anticipated hearing. I half expected a simple ‘how many sets you got left?’ To be the topic of conversation.
So I laughed and softly replied, ‘but why, I’m lovely really’. ‘Yeah, but you’re too strong’. Was his quip back. Hmmm, that really is the nicest compliment someone has given me. So I replied with an ‘aww’ and a ‘thank you so much’ and walked away to work on my chest – for, for a girl, I’m pretty strong in that respect too… haha.
But it did get me thinking. Personality traits. Let’s take me as a key example. By nature, I am strong, and I’m not talking physically here, I’m talking mentally. I’m hard-headed, stubborn, intelligent (and dim almost entirely at the same time – which in itself is a skill I assure you), hard-working, fiercely ambitious, I have talent – albeit questionable, but I think it exists at least, and I have (hope to possess most of the time) a friendly disposition affording me the ability to converse with people of all ages, races, sexes and creeds – I can talk. All. The. Time. I also aim to highlight my strengths and weaknesses, and commend those who point them out to me too. Physically, I want to be strong. As strong as I can be. The natural drive and ambition I possess, is also reflected in my training methods too.
As a person, I’ve tried to change, the above qualities that make me who I am, however, fundamentally I don’t think we can change. I’ve had people tell me I should, and I adapt for a while, ultimately reverting to what I know and am used to. I watched Criminal Minds where the same thing was mentioned too. That our fundamental personalities cannot be changed. So, if a fundamental personality trait reflected in the way I train, puts off a man in the gym, I can see why I’m single.
Could intimidation be a factor? Do I pose as competition or a threat to the men I’ve dated in the past? I’ve made more money than them, and that’s often not sat well – now despite saying they’d appreciate a woman paying her way, perhaps the reality of her being able to do so is emasculating. I’ve been on multiple dates with a man in particular, who when out at dinner was unaware of what certain things were on a menu, having asked me an open – non-rhetorical – question and I being able to answer, visually changed his temper and attitude. The response I gave was laced with no malice or arrogance – granted that I know of – but perhaps this put him off too?
These are aspects of myself that I can’t change. I love to learn, and to share the knowledge I’ve gained with those around me, sometimes forgetting that not all possess or entertain the levels of curiosity that I do. If I’m honest, I don’t think I want to change these things either. They make me who I am, and while it may not be to everyone’s tastes, they make me, me.
So, at the rate I am going, I probably won’t be a young bride, or have kids by the time I am 30. I may not even have, or have had a long-term relationship by that point, but these aren’t necessarily bad things. I may not even ever be the one to have children at all, or to even love or have been loved in return. Things that so many people have succeeded in achieving, I have not, yet so very deeply desire to. The accomplishments I’ve attained, may be a mere pipe dream to others.
So, perhaps my post comes as arrogant, but I do not aim for it to be. It is said that those that can list a multitude of strengths about them, possess a level of narcissism, but guys, I write a blog predominately about my love life, or lack thereof, so are we really surprised? (That was a joke by the way, I don’t intend to be arrogant or narcissistic, but rather to highlight to those reading, that they aren’t alone in all of this, despite perhaps feeling so). I write this to shed light on the fact that differences aren’t always bad, and no matter what the world around us is doing, we should try (as best we can) not to compare…