‘Bent over, in the shower, on the bed, before work…’ Firstly, apologies for the rather explicit post that will follow, but my understanding of men and their behaviour is somewhat muddier than I thought… Secondly, the above was just some of the messages I got from a guy I met at a bar the other week.
We got on well, he was older, chatty and friendly and I found him attractive. We – as you do – switched numbers and he texted me the next day, which began a long conversation we kept having over the weeks. Conversations became explicit over the days spent texting and hey, once or twice it’s fun. When it’s all that’s referenced, you question this man’s brazenness, and hastily conclude that he isn’t interested in you for anything more than a hook up.
So, me being the asshole I am – and you know, having standards – told him that he wasn’t going to get me straight away, and we’d at least have to go for a drink first. His response, ‘we haven’t spoken about this, but I’m not looking for anything serious right now’. As if I’d asked him to marry me. Sorry, but last time I checked, a date didn’t mean cuff you, wed you and be mine forever and ever and ever, amen. I thought an act that could potentially leave you linked to the woman for 18 years because you made a baby and would have to pay child support, slightly more consistent with the theme of tying a person down… but that’s just me…
Unsurprisingly, I’ve not heard from the guy since. The problem is, is that it’s not the first time that I’ve heard, ‘I don’t want anything serious right now’. The idea in itself is fine, if you want casual then, you go Glenn Coco, but my issue is with the look or vibe I seem to be giving off. Because this isn’t the first time this year, or these last few months. It’s been pretty consistent since the beginning of the summer. So, I wonder, what aspects of meeting me, makes a man think she’s great for a smash and dash and absolutely no respect whatsoever? Is it my clothes? Does a scantily clad body allure to the idea of an easy girl? Or someone you can make inappropriate comments to? Does my attitude and the fact that I’ll talk to multiple people, mean I’d be up for anything? Conversing with another human – last time I checked – didn’t mean ‘have your way with me’. Is it because I looked around and caught your eye too? Well I’m single, I’m allowed to look. It still doesn’t mean I am going to be your fuck buddy. Sorry… bro.
This consistent pattern of events in short, makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel that while you’re attracted to the way I look, who I am isn’t worth enough of your precious time. Because an hour or two out of your day, grabbing a drink or a cup of coffee and find out about my interests and fundamentally who the person under the ‘promiscuous outfit’ that attracted you in the first place, just isn’t important enough.
Men are taught to believe that behaving as a stud is a good thing, but girls are whores if they behave in the same way. When they don’t, it’s assumed that a relationship is wanted, making these women far too much to deal with. I’m not committing to you, I’m merely highlighting that I don’t do casual. I refuse to jump into bed with you straight away. I’m not what society deems as being ‘easy’, because if I were, you’d have no respect for me and treat me entirely the way that you dictate, and believe you can. Human emotion, and people’s feelings don’t matter, so long as you get to achieve an orgasm whenever you (man) want. Kindness is out the window in this game, because thinking of others is not included. I mean, is this the norm? Does not confirming this way, make me weird?
So it hurt. There was no investment in it, but it still made me feel awful. As soon as the conversation moved from anything remotely topical or non-explicit, he simply didn’t want to know. Okay, his headspace differs from mine, but still, surely being less sleazy is better, right? Perhaps it’s naivety on my part, or the fact that sometimes you just want to be treated as though you matter.
Anyway, can anyone give me a little hope that men who want something more than a casual fuck actually exist?