The Four-date Rule

Four dates. Apparently. That’s how long a girl should wait before having sex with a guy she’s dating. Wait wasn’t that Mila Kunis’s magic number too, in ‘Friends with Benefits’? 

 No, this is not a statistic or average that Cosmo magazine came up with in their most recent publication, but instead Maverick’s average wait time. I say average, more like the time he believes adequate to prove that a girl isn’t easy. I’m unconvinced, but more so as to whether this is in fact a general male consensus, or if Maverick is indeed an exception to the rule.

So, I realise that I have a really great group of guy friends around me. Open, honest, and very good people to talk to, especially as they all have an opinion on this subject. Now, if I’m honest, I went into this thinking age would denote a particular shaping of opinion. I expected to find the men who were younger to have a more judgemental opinion, than those who were slightly older – I say this like I surveyed a billion different men, I didn’t I asked a mere five of my friends – but I was totally wrong…

Maverick is of the firm belief that women hold all the power when it comes to sex – true – and that an ideal wait time is four dates. Date four you go back to his, or he goes back to yours, the P goes into the V, and if you’re lucky, fireworks. Three dates, it’s expected, and the girl you want to be with, will be different, and five is well, just one too many. Intrigued but his outlook, I went on to ask Rocco, Jay, Mcfly and Thor (okay, so I had to give him this nickname, one because he’s hilarious, and genuinely thinks he’s a god to women – in the light-hearted comedic sort of way  –  and two because – and this is the only time I will EVER be nice about him – he’s relatively hench), and here is what they came up with. 

Rocco – 22
“It depends really. Put it this way I waited a month and I’m in a happy relationship, and Skywalker [editor’s note: yes, I changed his best mate’s name, and yes, to a Star Wars reference – SJ is cool like that] slept with his tinder date the first time they met, and he’s in a happy relationship too, so it’s more about how you and the person click”. 

Jay – 27
“Three dates. First one to work out that they’re not an idiot, second, to get to know them a bit better, and the third to work out you like them… and then time to get schwifty”.

Mcfly – 30ish
“There were times for me when it happened on the first date (after alcohol), it felt right, but then the second date either didn’t happen or we couldn’t get past it. But on one occasion I was made to wait a month, and I’m still with that girl now”. 

Thor – 26 
“If the intention is purely sex, then it doesn’t matter – do it there and then – but if your intention with this person is something more than just sex, then I’d say that it’s a ‘feel for it’ situation, where you both have to judge if you are ready for that, which could be a month, or it could be weeks, but definitely not the first”. 

In all honestly, as random late-night conversations go, I think the one that ensued after Thor’s answer has been one of my favourite conversations I’ve had with a person. I think he was the sincerest about the entire thing, and the most honest, but it is not a conversation I will be sharing with you all today. 

So, I don’t think it should wholly matter. We argue that sex is power that can make a woman superior to a man, and yes, it can. We are the ones to dictate whether it happens or not, if the man is consenting but the woman is not, it’s rape. When they are both consenting, a woman can dictate if they indeed get ‘schwifty’ or not. 

However, I think societal views we put on an ‘x number of dates rule’ stems from an entirely old way of thinking. If the first date happens to lead to sex, and two people click, then why not? It should be entirely about how you feel, and how the situation is between the two people at that time. I don’t think whether or not you want to sleep with someone should be dictated by a predefined concept ultimately dominated by aging religious and misogynistic views deigned to highlight that a woman’s place is inferior to that of a man’s. 

But we do. Of the boys above in relationships, both waited a month before sleeping with their girlfriends. Even Thor – who likes casual – would prefer a girl to hold off a little longer too. It appears that when a man wants something more serious, a deciding factor is how much respect she has for herself, this respect is defined by how quickly she gives it up. 

What’s more, is that women judge in the same way too. If we hear that a girl has slept with a guy on the first date, we immediately call her a slut, despite knowing very little about the situation at hand or the woman herself.

We still appear to relate respect directly to sexual promiscuity, yet I know of a few men who waited to sleep with their partners when they were initially dating them – arguing they respect them more for it, yet have played into temptation. 

Adultery is any form, is in every way highlighting a lack of respect you have for your partner. It’s an animal instinct to want to sleep with other people, it’s quite a human one to resist temptation because you are already with someone. If you’ve agreed to monogamy, adhere to it – unless you no longer want to, then cut it off. 

In short, you can’t and shouldn’t put a number on it. It doesn’t matter. Don’t let your decisions be defined by predefined and aged concepts that were in place to accentuate a woman’s inferiority to that of a man’s. If you and the person you are dating feel it’s right and you’re both consenting, then go for it and enjoy the fireworks – multiple times hopefully.

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