So I like to think I’m Beyoncé. Perfect features, a figure to die for – even when pregnant with twins – and a personality and drive that run circles around just about every human on the planet; yet on a scale of relationship to single, I don’t really associate myself with the former. In fact I think my dog has a better relationship success rating than I do. So I can’t help but raise the question of what matters more, looks or personality when it comes to dating?
Now I have a really close friend who is a guy – Maverick – I always ask him this question. His first response is: looks matter, but personality makes or breaks the situation. Which even from a girl’s perspective, I agree with.
We are human. We are physical creatures and are pulled in with what we see with our eyes. Both sexes are the same. We all have preferences, perhaps not types, but definitely aspects of a person’s physique that we are typically drawn to. For me, it’s often height, dark hair and a slim, rugged appearance. However and almost ironically, the men I date that are like this never amount to anything and I don’t tend to click with them. Simba – we affectionately called him this because of his lion’s mane hair – was a pretty key case and point.
A close friend of mine once dated a guy who was gorgeous. He literally turned heads – both male and female – everywhere he went – he was the kind of guy every man wanted to look like and every girl wanted to be with – or so I thought. However he was a nasty piece of work – personality-wise – and quite frankly was horrible to my friend. He was often really verbally abusive and mean. Their relationship was mainly ‘trophy-focused’. They both wanted each other because the sex was good and they were both hot. Take that away, and they hated – literally – who the other person was.
Contrastingly, I recently went on a date with a guy who is someone I don’t typically go for. He is dark-haired but that’s as far as it went. He’s ripped, taller than me – which isn’t hard – but not excessively so, and not really rugged at all. He’s attractive, just not someone I’d typically say yes to. Honestly, one of the nicest dates I’ve been on. Not because of what we did, but because of how it went when I was with him. We have similar personalities, he can laugh at himself, we could talk very easily with one another, but there was always a little flirtation and sexual tension underlying the date. I’d definitely date him again.
You see, fundamentally the most important factor is who you are. Your physical features attract lust, which is what we are all pulled in by at first – naturally. However, the thing that makes you intrigued to know more, so wanting to see someone again, or to perhaps take something further, is your personality. Your sense of humour, your confidence in yourself and most importantly, your kindness to yourself and to others.
In short looks matter, so if you want to wear makeup, buy new clothes, get to the gym, or find away to enhance your confidence by feeling better about your appearance then by all means, do so. Just don’t let this be your sole focus. The person you are carries a lot more weight. The person you are ultimately lets you win.