Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve been on a really amazing first date, but the person you were seeing never followed up for a second or even texted you back?

So I’ve been in both situations, one where I was ghosted after the date, and also been the person to say that I didn’t want to pursue this any further. From my experience – and believe me, I am in no way an expert, this is just what I’ve seen and how I’ve felt – some of the key situations that make for a bad first date, and no second date or text back look a little something like this…

Don’t Talk About Your Ex on a First Date

So I once went on a date with this guy who clearly hadn’t gotten over his ex-girlfriend. The date was a good one, but was ruined by him bringing up her whenever he could. It showed me that he wasn’t over her, that he was – whether consciously or not – comparing her to me; and subsequently I knew that this situation wasn’t going to move any further…

Don’t Brag About How Many People You Have Slept With

This is really off-putting. Like it doesn’t make you look any better in my eyes if you are telling me that you had a threesome with twins once, or took six different girls back to your place in a week because you had a free house. Firstly, this is a conversation to have with a partner, not a prospective one. Secondly, It makes you look like a total tool, and most girls are not going to jump into bed with you because of it. They’ll run a mile, because it basically just sounds like you’ll treat her like crap if she does…

Just Don’t Brag

I didn’t agree to date you because I heard that you make a lot of money, or that your commission is super high when you hit target. I dated you because I wanted to get to know you. It’s great that you make your own money, pay bills, are on your own grind and have the drive to work as hard as you do, but I will not bend over for you if you are telling me that you do every five minutes. Subtlety is a far sexier trait…

Don’t Talk About a Future With Me – This is Date One…

It’s sweet to think that you like me enough for dates 2, 3, 4 and 5, but it’s a little early. We barely know each other, and you could come to the conclusion that you don’t actually like me enough to want to go on a follow up date. Furthermore, if I like you and you are saying this and then change your mind – it hurts, so with all due respect, don’t get my hopes up please…

(So I have a confession… I’ve done this once too… I got excited cause it was going well and I liked him, and I may have mentioned that when we see each other again, we should do X, Y or Z. Yeah, don’t do what I did. Seriously).

Okay, so I’m not entirely cynical about dating, these are just some of the poorer experiences I have had, but I’ve also had some great first date experiences, which have resulted in a second date, and more. Such as…

Paying the Bill

I will never expect you to pay for me, and I will always pull out my purse in order to pay for my share. However every girl – myself included – loves that a man takes control and wants to pay for you. It also makes us feel as though you like us enough to want to pay, rather than you feeling obliged to. While you know that we can hold our own and pay our own way, you are saying we don’t have to. Old-fashioned, but definitely respected…

Ask Me Questions, and Listen to My Response

That is the whole point of the date, to get to know one another. In order to do so, you have to ask questions. Asking questions highlights your interest in me; what I do, my likes and dislikes. It also shows me effort. What is even more amazing is when you remember what I said earlier, and make reference to it.

One guy I dated knew I was a blogger, made a comment that he had read many of my posts and loved the fact that he could finally get a female perspective on all of this. He proceeded to ask me how I got into it all, and later on made reference to what I had said earlier about me enjoying writing. He remembered, and was so incredibly smooth about it too – as it was such an off-the-cuff response. That get’s a text back. That gets a yes to a second date. That gets me asking you on a second date…

Please Be On Time

This is a massive pet peeve of mine. I don’t like people being late or being kept waiting. If you say be ready by 4, then I am moving my day around to be ready by 4pm for you. If it comes to 4pm and you aren’t there or I haven’t heard from you saying you are running a little late and have apologized for it, I’m pissed off at you. I’ll still go out with you out of respect, but please believe you’ve started off on the wrong foot…

Most Importantly – Be Yourself

Try not to make yourself something you aren’t or different from the person I’ve initially been speaking to. I liked you because of what I saw, and what I had come to know. I don’t need to be impressed by superficialities or what you think girls are typically impressed by. Tell me instead about a quirky pastime or interest. Getting to know who you actually are is far more interesting, and someplace I’d much prefer to invest my time in.

I went on one date where the guy told me he liked turtles – not the Teenage Mutant Ninja kind, the sea kind. He first took a fond interest in them when he was on holiday and went snorkeling. He told me a quirky fact about them and told me has a turtle tattoo too. Turns out I went diving and was swimming right next to a sea turtle. My point is, is that it opened up a common interest in the underwater world that we both have and moved the conversation to an entirely new area, which was great! Had he not embraced his uniqueness, we never would been able to discuss a common interest…

Fundamentally a first date is a scene setter and introduction to something far better to potentially come. You will be slightly nervous – it’s normal. Take this post as an example of some of my experiences, that may help you not to fall at the starting line.

Posted by Selina

I’m Selina, I live on the outskirts of London with my parents, sister and my rather adorably insane golden Labrador, Bailey. I am often found rambling onto others (mainly friends and family) about my love of food, fashion, books, films, the gym and more. Not to mention the million and one opinions that are forever busying themselves in my brain. Most of what I have to say is based on experience, or at times a lack of. Not forgetting of course my rather fantastic failures… (falling downstairs after a speech in front of my entire division at school anyone?!). All of this has created a desire for discovery and a penchant to put pen to paper, or in this case, fingers to keyboard and tell the world. So please feel free to join me on this rather odd and exciting adventure called life. I do hope you like, love and laugh out loud at what you read.

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