The blog I posted last week, while not anything to do with dating and relationships, surprisingly got a lot of traffic – marginal humble brag, yes I know – however it also sent a lot of people to a few of the dating and relationships posts, and onto contacting me about how they were being treated by guys.
One doll in particular contacted me about how fed up of guys and the whole dating game she was, and that at the grand old age of 20, she is ready to give up. She’s been on incredible dates with guys who said they had an amazing time and wanted to do it again. Cut to the next day, she messages first and suddenly it’s all too much for him and she’s needy. She’s – and she wont mind me saying this because I asked her – been the side chick, found out and subsequently went through a whole load of drama, and so much more. She was also more than happy to discover that she is not alone when it comes to this. What she did highlight, was how she believed that all men are ‘disgustingly similar’.
Ladies, they aren’t. Good men exist. I see and I know many. Don’t fret. Sometimes we have to dig, sift through shit, and work hard to get to the end game – to get to the good guy. Make no mistake, men have to do exactly the same to get to the good girl.
You probably – most of the time – are the ‘good girl’. You’ve got your head in the game, know who you are, what you want and where you want to be. You’ve got your friends and your family who care about you and to them you’re a catch – and you are. However, how many times have you brushed off the good guy? The guy who complemented you, got super shy around you, texted you a lot, made his feelings clear towards you, who maybe was a little bit quirky, and the complete opposite of what the world is telling you is attractive and what you should be going for, and how you should be treated. They exist, they are honest, upfront, and because we are not used to this, as soon as we are faced with this, we are put off. Completely. ‘It’s weird. It’s too much. He’s too needy. He’s obsessed. There’s no chase. He has no game’. Make no mistake, I have done this too.
Guys are the same. How many times have they come across a headstrong girl – a typically good girl – and been too afraid or put off, if she’s being forward, or initiating things etc. Because it’s all about the chase, and men are meant to do the pursuing. Yes, okay. But why is it so bad if a girl makes moves too? I mean, I tried to be completely smooth the other day, and when skyping with a guy, because he couldn’t talk at that moment and said we should talk later, I gave him my number and told him to call or message me sometime. He didn’t, but then emailed a few days later, which I think is completely bizarre. I see nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and highlighting what you want, when the signals of interest were there from the beginning. Maverick basically gave me the dirtiest look when I told him (mainly because I didn’t listen to him) and mentioned I was too intense. Men are meant to chase.
Because my behaviour was atypical, it was off-putting. Which is crazy. I’m a good girl. I don’t sleep around, I am very career-focused. I’m not always out partying and getting drunk – I mean come on, I basically live in the gym – but I’m not having much luck. In short we are as bad as each other. So how can we possibly break the cycle? where do we draw the line at coming across as interested but not needy? Appearing confident but not pushy? Why do we overthink it all and never actually just go for it.
Perhaps my overtly ‘masculine’ attitude is the entire reason why this self-confessed good girl isn’t having much luck… Perhaps I need to widen my age bracket if I choose to keep going down this path, or change direction and completely change who I am…