I watched a video yesterday by a relationship guru called Matthew Hussey. He’s hilarious, and made some really good points about the entire notion of unrequited love.
In short we are insane. As humans, we are crazy. Why does the notion of someone not wanting us or liking us back make us more attracted to them? Don’t ever get it twisted, I speak from experience. I’ve been in that position where someone is no longer showing interest in you and you begin to question why, and then proceed to want them more.
However let’s look at this objectively shall we? It’s basically masochistic. We are effectively inflicting pain on ourselves for what reason? To justify the poor behaviour of another person. We kid ourselves into thinking that this is love. In fact this is entirely the opposite. If you are the person in this position, this isn’t love at all, its lust or as Matthew Hussey says – worship. Love is a two way street, it’s mutual.
Most terribly though, it makes us change the person we are, in the hope that we can conform to the ‘type’ that our particular object of desire finds attractive, appealing and interested in. As women – and again, I speak from experience – we change our hair, or nails, the clothes we wear, our body shape, our interests and perhaps even our personalities, just to be noticed.
This isn’t healthy. This – if anything – is psychologically damaging. A person should be attracted to who you are, entirely as you are, and if they aren’t, then they just aren’t worth your time. Yes we all have flaws, and we are imperfect beings, which makes us all the more incredible as humans. True love, helps us improve those flaws because you yourself want to, not because you have to in order to become more appealing to someone you have your eye on.
This idea of unrequited love comes from fairytales – The Little Mermaid anyone, and I’m talking about the Hans Christian Andersen version where she drowns herself in the end – gothic literature we studied at GCSE English, rom-coms and Shakespeare. To read and to watch it, is great. To emulate in reality, not so much… mainly because it changes who you fundamentally are, and that’s not always a good thing…
Re-evaluate your worth and when someone says that they are no longer attracted to you or aren’t that into you, let it de-erect (if that’s even a word, but you get where I’m going here) you, or make you bone dry… (yeah, I went there), do not let it make you chase after them more…