So this is a point that really needs to be addressed. For two reasons. One because it’s pretty much a go to response for Rocco, and half the guys I speak to, and two, because I recently came across as being needy… and borderline crazy, but that wasn’t exactly my intention…

I recently read a blog post – well a few of them… actually all of them – by a blogger who goes by the name of ‘Not From Your Average Joe’. He’s a relationship coach and blogger, and of course this is exactly why I find his content fascinating. On his site he comments that men and women are basically like apples and oranges, and need to be seen and addressed differently within the life-game of dating. I actually agree with him to a point, hence the reason for this post. What men class as being needy isn’t necessarily how we see it from our end. Without a little empathy from both sides, this idea of ‘neediness’ can well become a thorn in the side of many a relationship.

So let’s take a look at some of the key points (in my experience) that make men think of women as being needy or crazy.

Point One: You see, when a girl is messaging you it’s because she is interested in you. Not that she’s needy. If she’s asking you about your day or trying to make some form of conversation it is because she cares. If a guy, then stops showing interest this can cause a female to behave up to three different ways…

a) She completely ignores you. She no longer wants to bother with you. This really needs no explanation at all. Simple. Straight and to the point.

b) She messages you more. This is to try and further gauge if in fact you are no longer interested without directly coming out and saying it. This then allures to the belief that she is needy. She’s not, you, the man in question, are just not behaving properly…

c) She blows up at you, like on a 100, making her look insane, then apologises, then cuts you off completely… This is me… This can also make a girl look needy. We aren’t, you just aren’t making things clear.

So for us to be less ‘needy’, as men put it, we need clarity. It’s weird constantly messaging a person every single day without fail, about the most irrelevant crap, to then go cold, when you claim to be interested. It makes us think we’ve done something wrong. When we question if everything is okay, men think we are crazy, obsessed or needy. That’s not the case. Like if you are busy, say so. We don’t need to talk to you every second of every day, we have lives too you know, but we would like to know why you aren’t replying, or are short, whereas before you were intense on us.

Point Two: We ask a lot of questions. This is true. We do. But our attraction typically stems from something far different than that of a man’s. We like to understand your brain, okay?! When looking for something more than just a casual hook up, (smash and dash / friends with benefits) we like to get to know you. We like to understand what your flaws are, your interests, your desires. What makes you tick, what makes you smile or laugh and most definitely, what turns you on. So we date you, our curiosity piques and we want to know more. So we ask questions. While this may feel like an inquisition, it’s not, it helps us know if you are worth our time. It does not make us needy. It makes us… prepared…

Point Three: We overthink. Again this comes back to a lack of clarity and miscommunication. We worry a guy has lost interest. When we don’t understand how, we replay everything in our heads, chat to our girlfriends, hate you, break up with you (whether we are in a fully blown relationship, or if we are just casually dating you and haven’t taken it any further), make up with you and then message you something crazy. (I realise that I am painting us in a terrible light here. Women are not insane, we are just wired differently, and see things differently. Don’t judge guys, empathise).

Case and point. I dated a guy, we arranged to see each other again, his choice, his choosing of location etc. this time. The night before we were due to meet, I asked him about it, as I hadn’t heard anything from him about date night. He replied that he wasn’t sure if he could because he might have to work late. The lack of a definitive decision, the lack of consideration in him bothering to tell me earlier and the lack of the desire to reschedule all raised red flags that the guy had lost interest. Yes, okay so he may have been busy, but you don’t forget about arranging a date, do you? I mean I didn’t. I was honestly looking forward to it. Silly me…

So as any woman does, I spoke to my best friend. She gave an unbiased opinion to be fair. But she did also tell me that he was an asshole too… #bestfriendgoals. So I went through the stages of never speaking to him again, then justifying his thinking, then questioning me and my qualities and what I did, and then the following day, I followed point one, sub-section c – making me look borderline insane and narcissistic.

So as mentioned, I recently screwed up. I appeared needy and crazy. I however thought I was being fine, and essentially trying to make a point. In hindsight this wasn’t the case at all. From a man’s perspective, I looked mental. I did. But you live and you learn, don’t you?! The fact was, is that the situation wasn’t entirely clear so I overthought it. Which meant I partook in above points one and two… and point three. All of which made me look needy. Those of you who know me (and for those that don’t) I’m not the type to want someone around all the time, I don’t mind rescheduling things or cancelling stuff, or you going off me, so long as I know where I stand in the situation and it’s clear. As with most women. We really just want clarity. When we don’t get it and we start to question why, we look needy or crazy. If you lose interest, simply tell us, we will get over it you know… right after we boil the voodoo doll of you in a saucepan full of water…

Girls, am I right? Guys, don’t you think clarity and understanding make for the best of relationships? Let me know your thoughts…

Posted by Selina

I’m Selina, I live on the outskirts of London with my parents, sister and my rather adorably insane golden Labrador, Bailey. I am often found rambling onto others (mainly friends and family) about my love of food, fashion, books, films, the gym and more. Not to mention the million and one opinions that are forever busying themselves in my brain. Most of what I have to say is based on experience, or at times a lack of. Not forgetting of course my rather fantastic failures… (falling downstairs after a speech in front of my entire division at school anyone?!). All of this has created a desire for discovery and a penchant to put pen to paper, or in this case, fingers to keyboard and tell the world. So please feel free to join me on this rather odd and exciting adventure called life. I do hope you like, love and laugh out loud at what you read.

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