I have a tendency to crush, like all the time. Seriously. It’s become a bit of a problem…

You see, I’ve never had a proper relationship. You know, the long-term kind. The falling in love kind. I’ve done casual dating, and online dating, but it’s never actually amounted to anything long-term. There is a point to this though, which directly relates to what this post is about.

My great inexperience of anything real, I think, has resulted in this. I crush. Like all the time. Like seriously. Okay, perhaps not all the time, but typically in the past, when I’ve gotten to know someone, I’ve crushed. Far more so if I were to find you physically attractive – which would be lust.

The thing is, is that I like people. I like to discover who they are. Their values, opinions, personalities, sense of humour. I do this with people I vibe with. With men, I tended to then develop a schoolgirl crush. Not with everyone, but a few… I recall university being particularly entertaining for my best friends. I mean I practically had a new crush every week! The thing is, I’m almost positive they all knew. I’d befriend them, and we’d become close. We’d share stories, opinions, emotions, we’d bicker over various different things – whether this be over coffee during the day, or at 3am as we were walking home after another drunken night out. It does open up the question of whether a boy and a girl can be close friends without it developing into something more, by either party. However, this is neither a question I can or want to answer right at this point in time. I think it also leads me to look at it like this – have I ever really observed these situations objectively?

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I enjoy getting to know people, as I have said before. Now I do the above with girls as much as guys. I just don’t crush on the girls because I’m not attracted to women. When we become friends with other people, we begin to care. We treat them with kindness, we develop an interest in their lives and want to know more. That’s what friendship is essentially. So I think this impartiality is what I lacked when it came to forming friendships with guys. I thought up an attraction rather than taking it at face value, only to become disappointed when I wasn’t the girl chosen. Or not fully understanding that, just because I was the girl they chose to share stuff with, didn’t necessarily mean they harboured feelings towards me. In my experience, with a man, the attraction for them has typically always been physical. If the physical attraction hasn’t been there, then no matter how strong a mental connection was, nothing came of it. Contrastingly with women, a man becomes far more physically appealing the more she gets to know him. Well this is the case with me anyway, I’ve always been heavily criticised for my taste in men.

I also believe that this lack of neutrality is a key reason that nothing has yet worked out. Well this, and the fact I either didn’t like them enough, or they didn’t like me enough. But hear my point. When I like someone, I see only them, and while I flirt with others, because I am single and know that is what I should be doing, I will always find fault. Because at the time they aren’t who I really want at all, even if they had the potential to be entirely perfect for me.

So I’ve learnt to take things far more subjectively now, than I have done in the past. Much like ‘He’s just not that into you’ says, “If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.” – while this does not wholly apply to me, the point still stands. If I have to question it, it’s not real. When it is real, you know… Right?!

Posted by Selina

I’m Selina, I live on the outskirts of London with my parents, sister and my rather adorably insane golden Labrador, Bailey. I am often found rambling onto others (mainly friends and family) about my love of food, fashion, books, films, the gym and more. Not to mention the million and one opinions that are forever busying themselves in my brain. Most of what I have to say is based on experience, or at times a lack of. Not forgetting of course my rather fantastic failures… (falling downstairs after a speech in front of my entire division at school anyone?!). All of this has created a desire for discovery and a penchant to put pen to paper, or in this case, fingers to keyboard and tell the world. So please feel free to join me on this rather odd and exciting adventure called life. I do hope you like, love and laugh out loud at what you read.

5 Comments

  1. I love this! I fall in love with about 100 men a day! X

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    1. Thank you! 🙂 Your blog is amazing! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. I do crush a lot all the time as well! But there are some I consider serious crushes… For instance, now. I’ve been crushing to this guy who I rarely meet in person. But we do chat a lot, I guess? We came to know some things about each other because of that. I enjoy it though. I think he does too. He knows I have a crush on him, and I think he wants to give us a chance to be friends IN REAL LIFE, not just in social media. But we don’t have a chance. I think it’s just common sense leaving our brains, just as what was said in the pic.

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    1. Thank you for your comment! I’m glad i’m not the only one! 🙂
      That’s really sweet, and it is always nice to have a crush, it’s exciting. It’s sad you don’t have a chance, I hope you can find a way…

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. yeah…he’s an interesting dude, and it’s quite a waste letting go of the chance of befriending him…
        I really hope we become real life friends

        Like

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