So as I sit here on a semi-busy central at 7:53 on a Monday morning, I am once again posed with this ever constant question. What do men want? It’s not exactly unknown that my love life is, in short, unsuccessful. While entertaining for those around me, and at times soul-crushing for myself, its not been an all over positive or successful long term win.
Apparently it’s an increasingly common thing with many women I know too. Even the ones we believed were winning – that is to say, happy, secure, and content in their relationships. so I’m left asking why? What is it that sees us no longer being able to find people and lay down roots in ways our parents and our grandparents before us did? Which inevitably has led me to the question of, what do men want?
I’m friends with a lot of guys. I find them very easy to get along with, have a laugh, and talk to. It’s always been this way for me really. So I am taking it upon myself to use these men as part of a social experiment. To answer the ever longing and unanswered question of what do men want when it comes to a relationship…
Cut to almost two weeks later and I still find myself asking the same question. After having two different lunches with two very different and dear friends of mine, the answer is becoming somewhat clearer. Somewhat… These two friends of mine, differ in age, relationship status, and general life choices. They are 21 and 27, the 21 year old whom we shall now name Rocco has recently got into a relationship. He’s told me all about her, and while i’ve never met her, I love her. She’s genuinely amazing and probably someone i’d be friends with. She’s a girl who has a sense of humour, doesn’t take herself to seriously, rips into Rocco – in the nicest possible way whenever she can – and in short is a total G. He’s looking into getting a house, and furthering his career in finance.
My 27 year old guy – Maverick – is different. He’s not much older than me – 8 months to be exact – and is in a similar position to the one I am in. He’s single, is working in a profession but not sure if he wants to continue within it. Has a passion he follows and wishes to pursue and is neither ready to commit or settle down. Much like so many of my friends around this age – our age – we are much in the same boat. Acutely aware that we should have X,Y and Z in the bag – X,Y and Z being a relationship, a career / money and a house – before we are 30, but knowing realistically that’s probably not going to happen.
What was both consistent about these two men, was that they effectively both want the same thing. ‘What men want’ according to Rocco and Maverick, regardless of age, turned out to be the same thing. Alright, so while they are attracted to different physical features in a woman, ultimately they each desire someone who is a bit of a ‘lad’, a girl with a sense of humour, isn’t afraid to laugh at herself, and joke around with the guys. A girl who can be friends with their guys but still know when to be a lady. A girl who is secure enough in herself to not worry about whether or not a message has been answered in a precise amount of time, or if he’s left you on read, that he’s not ignoring you, he’s probably just busy. They desire a woman who knows her own mind, and can hold her own. A woman who has her own friends, has her own social life and allows him to have his, secure in the belief that if he is out with the guys, he isn’t hooking up with other women. Someone ultimately they can build with. Not someone who is looking for a paycheque to fulfil her Prada obsession, and would sleep with another guy cause you pissed her off.
Now I know a multitude of women who fit the criteria above, yet they are still single. So what I infer from this, is that it’s less about the woman and more about where the man is at his point in life. Rocco went into his relationship with bae, with no expectations. In fact, he didn’t want anything initially. He wasn’t looking for another relationship, he’d honestly had enough of them, and he has had some crazy stalker ex-girlfriends… Rocco got lucky I guess.
Contrastingly Maverick neither knows what he wants or doesn’t want. Admittedly – and I can see this from a mile away – he’s not ready for the type of commitment that most people are beginning to expect at the age of 27, but also likes the idea of being in a relationship. Ironically all the women he attracts are bat-shit crazy and insecure, and want to marry the guy, despite him not being interested in them long-term.
So Rocco and Maverick have most definitely given some insight into how the male brain works when it comes to what men ultimately want in a relationship. The success of these however, I think depends much more on luck and timing, for both parties involved.