Strength Training and Insecurity… Ironic, isn’t it?

Weight loss is a struggle…

Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it (arguably obsessed or highly passionate, take your pick). I know I do, I’ve become immensely zealous about it. I like planning my meals, and my workouts, adapting them as my body and my goals change. I also like the learning. With each day I am learning something new. Not only about myself, but also about health, fitness and nutrition in general. I’ve legit pissed my trainer off enough times with all the questions I ask, but hey I love increasing my knowledge of this and understanding the science, so he’s got to deal with it every now and again…

But… I struggle… Now I don’t mean with the food side of it. I have a ‘cheat day’ I get a piece of chocolate, or a fizzy drink on occasion, or full on white bread (freshly baked from a bakery – yesssss!), so I get that balance, and once a week isn’t a problem for me. What I am struggling with – and I don’t know if this comes with the territory, as nobody really talks about it – but I find myself comparing what I have achieved to the people I see around me when I’m in the gym.

Perhaps this is all down to insecurities, or the desire to be something I’m not, or to have something I don’t (and by this I mean a really good bum and abs!) Do we all feel like this? Is it honestly just me? I realise it’s bitchy, because clandestinely the thoughts that tend to run through my head are: ‘why the actual fuck is she even in the gym? Has she looked in the mirror? She does not need to work out! The girl has a body to die for. I legit would sell my mother for a body like that! Like for real, why am I god’s practical joke? Like she really isn’t even working up a sweat. Are you seriously fucking kidding me right now?! Why can’t I look like that? I honestly look like I’ve been hit by a bus!’

Okay… so a lot of utter nonsense and profanity runs through my mind. Now this really only happens when I’m tired, stressed, upset or frustrated about something. On a normal day, I’m honestly quite the opposite. I don’t care so much about how I appear to others in the gym. I comfortably use the free weights without feeling insecure or unsure for example, (I also think more women should be comfortable in the free-weights section of the gym, but that’s a story for another time). I legit run around the gym like a nut job. I look a mess, but what I’m  doing is working, so it’s all good.  If I’m doing something I’ve seen on Pinterest or incorrectly, people will help me out, correct my form, give me advice, and I appreciate this. I welcome this.

I also look at others in the gym with admiration. Men and women alike. They are looking after themselves. They are working hard. There is a woman in particular who goes to my gym, I don’t know her name. Her body is incredible. I am in the gym at least six days a week, and she is too. I neither know her story, nor her struggle. Her goals I am sure differ to mine, which is why she looks completely different to me when working out.

So with a sane view of this, I pose the question: Why do we think this way? Alright, I lack confidence. Not by way of my character, my mind etc., I’m comfortable with who I am, but not what I look like. Is every woman like this? Is every person like this in some way? Do we go through bouts of our own ups and downs when it comes to what we look like? Do we just not say it? Why don’t we? What has made us so quick to compare ourselves to people we really don’t know? To instantly be mean, to be bitchy, to automatically dislike or throw shade on the basis of someone’s outer shell? Why aren’t we changing this? I sometimes feel as though the fitter I get, and the more I lose weight, the more insecure I become…Ironic isn’t it?!  Having said this, I also sometimes feel like I’m the business… Proud of what I’ve achieved so far, and excited to see what more I can do… I think it depends on the day really. What we do need to change though, is the constant criticism of not only the people around us, but of ourselves too. While a little criticism is healthy, it helps us improve after all. But too much drains you… believe me…

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